What might happen if…

November 13, 2014 by  
Filed under Behavioral Changes

I’ve been writing about Procrastination quite a bit for the last several months, and that’s because it’s such a common issue.  It isn’t always at the top of the list of things clients want to work on, but the majority of the time, it’s on there.

Back in March I did a piece on what people fear or imagine they will or might lose if they make a certain choice or take a certain action, and that resonated with a number of you.

What might happen if…?
Just as common is fearing what will or might happen if you make a choice or commit to an action regarding something.  For example, fearing or imagining what people will or might say or the ways in which they could judge you, is enough to derail even modest intentions and goals.

Rather than have to deal with what you fear and imagine will or might happen, your subconscious puts on the breaks and simply doesn’t allow you to move forward.

We call this Procrastination, but as you’ve read quite a few times before, procrastinating is merely the symptom, not the root cause of difficulty achieving that which you desire.

Procrastination: What will or might happen

THE STORY      

Kate had what she believed was a very viable idea for a new business.  She had a “real job” (most of you are self-employed and understand what I mean!) that was related to the business she wanted to start, in fact, it was a niche her current employer wasn’t serving.

As a matter of fact, it was too small a niche for that company to bother with, but it was perfect for an entrepreneur who understood the market, didn’t have huge numbers to reach every quarter, or stockholders to worry about.

“Yes, but…”
She’d done the research, had spoken with a number of her colleagues about it who believed she was right on the money, and even had a few people who were willing to invest to get her started.

The problem was, there was always a “reason” not to move ahead and she’d begun doubting herself in terms of being able to pull it off as well as second-guessing the viability of the idea itself.

THE STRUGGLE

The more pressure she felt from friends, family, colleagues and investors, the more paralyzed she became.  Every piece of news about the stock market or the economy generated more “reasons” to put off making a move.

It was actually a friend whose husband had offered to be an investor who referred her to me.  He was a very successful and savvy businessman, and the fact that he saw enough merit in the idea to lend Kate the money was an excellent sign that this niche had an excellent chance of succeeding.

THE ROADBLOCKS

Aside from the predictable fears about how would she survive if the business didn’t take off (in spite of the fact that she was very employable and unlikely to have difficulty finding another “real job” if things didn’t’ work out), underneath it all was the fear that if it did turn out to be a big success, she wouldn’t be able to handle it.

She’d be able to manage everything herself at the beginning, but couldn’t wrap her head around what would have to be done once that was no longer possible.  She couldn’t articulate what she imagined or feared what would or might happen, and roadblocks “protected” her from having to find out.

THE RESULTS

Removing Kate’s roadblocks proved to be pretty easy, she was what I call a hyper-responder.  After only one session she found herself making concrete plans, followed up by the choices and actions that turned them into reality.  Her fears and concerns melted away, which allowed energy and enthusiasm to propel her forward and accomplish the myriad things that needed to be done before launching the business.

She ended up becoming a coaching client as well, because while she knew what she wanted the end result to be, had never been in a start-up situation before and really didn’t know or understand what to do to create a successful business.

IT’S POSSIBLE FOR THIS TO BE YOUR REALITY, TOO

Do you find yourself coming up with “reasons” not to pursue your goals and dreams?  Maybe your goal is something as personal as cleaning up the clutter in your home or sticking to an exercise program.  Or it could be creating or updating a program, product or service for your business.

If you find you have difficulty focusing on the task at hand because distractions take up too much of your time or you’re unable to complete a business or personal goal that’s important to you and you don’t understand why, you have roadblocks that are literally blocking your ability to do what you need to do to accomplish what you desire to accomplish.

DISCOVER IT FOR YOURSELF

There are seven and a half weeks until the New Year begins – are you ready to take 2015 by storm or is next year going to be all too similar to this year, and 2014 hasn’t been so great?

The phrases “getting out of your own way” and “being your own worst enemy” actually refer to roadblocks that are holding you back from accomplishing your goals; doing what you need to do and being who you need to be to get to where you want to go; and are literally undermining you from building and having a happy, successful and satisfying life.

IT’S TIME TO TAKE ACTION

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”  If you’ve been struggling, wondering why your life isn’t moving forward the way you’d hoped, planned or ever wanted, you CAN do something about it.

There is a solution, you just have to make the choice to use it.

Think about how great you’re going to feel when you get up every morning and find it easy and effortless to do whatever needs to be accomplished that day. Think about that for a minute.  You’ll just do it!  Because you want to do it.

The sooner you remove the roadblocks, the sooner this will be your reality.

And it couldn’t be easier, all you have to do is sit quietly on the phone, without multi-tasking, for an hour or so 2-3 times a month.  That’s it.  It’s that simple.

Here’s how
Go to the Roadblock Removal website right now, and take a look at the About page to learn more about the process.  Wander around the site some more if you wish.

Then click on the link in one of the boxes on the home page that seems to best fit your issue, and you’ll discover even more.  And if none of them are on target, not to worry, there was only so much room and I chose the most common issues.  At the end of each page, choose the number of sessions that works best for you.

REMEMBER, YOU HAVE ONLY ONE LIFE,
THERE IS NO DO-OVER

You CAN do what you want to do, have what you want to have,  and be who you want to be once you get rid of the blocks standing in your way.  And if you don’t notice results after the fourth session, I’ll give you all your money back – guaranteed.

If you have any questions, email me at sydney [@] sydneybarrows.com and we’ll schedule a complimentary call so you can describe your situation to me, and I’ll tell you how we’ll go about resolving it.

Wishing you happiness, prosperity and abundance in all things,

sydneysig

 

 

 

Make choices that serve you and your goals

October 3, 2014 by  
Filed under Behavioral Changes

Abandonment issues are at the heart of many roadblocks.  We all have abandonment issues; birth itself creates abandonment issues, for example.  This doesn’t mean that birth abandonment issues are sabotaging or interfering with everyone’s lives; plenty of people feel no effect from them at all.

While some birth abandonment issues are so traumatic that they do leave permanent scars, aka roadblocks, it’s more typically the abandonment we experience over the years that builds up and interferes with making the choices that will lead us to where we want to go.  These choices shape our lives and dictate outcomes that negatively affect what we desire to be, do or have.

Usually I use stories about clients to illustrate the topic of these twice-monthly emails, but today I’ve decided to use a personal one.  I’ve never revealed this publicly before and am not sure how it’s going to turn out, but here goes.

Abandonment

THE STORY      

My father walked out on his family when I was four years old and my brother was one.  His new wife was jealous of anything that didn’t involve her, so she insisted they live in Westchester instead of somewhere in New Jersey equally far away from New York City, where they both worked.

My father, who had enough balls to walk out on us, didn’t have enough to say no to her.  She also discouraged visits and apparently phone calls, because these were very few and far between, including none for birthdays and holidays, like Christmas.

Self-restraint on steroids
My mother never ever spoke ill of him to us, although she certainly had plenty of reasons, many ongoing, to do so.  One thing I’ll never forget was overhearing her on the phone saying to him, “When are you going to see the children, it’s been months since they’ve seen you or heard from you.”

Hearing her beg this man to see his own children is such a searing memory I’ll never forget it. One year, a couple of weeks before Christmas, I just happened to notice a check from him on her desk.  Although still young enough to be in elementary school, I knew it was for Christmas presents, and when I asked her about it, she admitted it was.

AND was caring enough to assure me it was only because he thought she would know better what we’d like, which was true, but she could have told him what to get us and he could have gone out and bought it and mailed it.  But he couldn’t be bothered.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg, this sort of thing and worse continued on until I was in my early 30’s, at which point I cut off all communication and have never regretted it.

THE STRUGGLE

So all my life I (subconsciously) looked for someone who would love me enough that he would want to keep me.  I finally figured out that I always chose men who were very much like him – extremely intelligent, charming and unavailable – and in an attempt to “win” this time, to have it turn out differently, went out of my way to be so good and so loving and to treat them so well that they would say to themselves, “This girl is so special I want to keep her.”

But it never happened.  And when I finally woke up, after being in a relationship for a few years and admitted to myself that this one was never going to want to keep me, I broke up with them, swore I was not going to make this mistake anymore, and promptly went out and did it again.  And again and again.

One of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, hoping for a different result.  According to this definition, I should have been committed long ago!

THE ROADBLOCKS

When I first started out doing roadblock removal, I practiced on myself and was shocked at how many abandonment roadblocks there were.  Banishing him from my life had no effect on the collection of roadblocks created over the years.  Roadblocks that caused me a great deal of unhappiness and kept me from the life and I so desperately wanted.

After a lot of work, no abandonment roadblocks ever showed up again, and I thought, “Great, now things will turn out differently.”

THE RESULTS

When I was 42, I married a man who adored me, worshipped the water he truly believed I walked on.  He was the first man in my life who’d ever felt this way about me and I was captivated.  “I’ve finally gotten it right,” I said to myself.

Not so fast.  While I’d finally met someone who met the “wanted to keep me” criteria, I neglected to do my due diligence and didn’t realize he wasn’t the right person for me in many other respects.

Another poor choice, albeit a very different poor choice.  Even so, it felt good to have someone who genuinely cared for me, would do anything for me and who I knew would never leave me.  So while it wasn’t the best choice I could have made, at least he was an extremely nice guy who treated me like gold.

A new chapter
Now he’s deceased, and those of you who also subscribe to The BUZZ, the newsletter that goes out to people on the list for the www.sydneybarrows.com website, know that I’m in the process of looking for someone else.

And have been successful at identifying the wrong kind of men pretty quickly.  Am I still attracted to them?  Yes.  But after 2-3 dates, I can spot the bad-for-me ones and immediately discontinue seeing them.

This is huge, and wouldn’t be my experience had I not gotten rid of those abandonment roadblocks.

IT’S POSSIBLE FOR THIS TO BE YOUR REALITY, TOO

Do you find that you’ve been making the same bad relationship choices over and over again and don’t understand why?  Are you attracted to the same kind of person again and again, the kind of person with whom it always ends badly?

Because if you’re making the same poor choices again and again, I can guarantee that it’s because of a roadblock.  Maybe it’s not an abandonment roadblock, but whatever it is, it keeps you in a relationship with someone who’s wrong for you because it demands that you keep at it until you finally “get it right” or ”win.”

DISCOVER IT FOR YOURSELF

You can break this destructive cycle.  You can free your present life and your future when the forces that compel you to “keep at it until you get it right” have been removed and no longer block you from making choices that allow you to move forward in a positive direction.

My story is a textbook example of an abandonment roadblock, but I’ve helped many, many other people who were stuck in the cycle of making choices that didn’t allow them to live the kind of life they desired because abandonment roadblock were in the way.

This can be your experience  
You can break free of the forces that cause you to continue to make the same poor choices, hoping that the results will be different this time.  It truly has nothing to do with being a good or a bad person, or being a smart or a stupid person.  It has to do with being a trapped person in a prison not of your own making.

Those poor choices really are beyond your control, so rather than getting down on yourself, do the only thing that will make it possible to be, do and have what you want. Stage a break-out!  Get rid of what’s standing in your way.

HERE’S EXACTY WHAT TO DO:

Send me an email and request a consultation, and get on my calendar so you can tell me where you are right now and where you’d rather be instead.  I’ll explain to you how I’ll make that happen.

If you’d like a little more information before requesting your private consultation, take a look at the About page to learn more about the process.  Check out the Is This You? page to see some of the other challenges former clients have successfully overcome, and so can you.  Take a look at some of the Testimonials (there are dozens more that I have to get my act together and put up there).

Then click on the link in one of the boxes on the Home page to discover even more, and choose which participation option is right for you.

WHAT WILL I HAVE TO DO?

Not a whole helluva lot.  For each of your roadblock removal sessions, you’ll call me on the phone, sit in a comfy chair or lay down on the bed – you can even fall asleep! – and I do all the work.  You don’t have to talk about or reveal anything about yourself or your past.

You don’t even have to believe in it –  it still works.

Yes, it really is as simple as that.  And after four sessions, if you don’t notice yourself thinking, feeling and acting differently, I’ll give you your money back.

REMEMBER, YOU HAVE ONLY ONE LIFE,
THERE IS NO DO-OVER

You CAN have what you want to have, be who you want to be and do what you want to do once you get rid of the subconscious blocks standing in your way.  Isn’t that what you want for yourself?  The sooner you do something about it, the sooner this will be your reality.

So direct a request for your personal consultation to Sydney [at] SydneyBarrows [dot] com and we’ll schedule a call so you can describe your situation to me, and I’ll tell you how we’ll go about resolving  it.

Wishing you happiness, prosperity and abundance in all things,

cropped-sydneysig.jpg

Stuck in A Time Warp

August 16, 2014 by  
Filed under Behavioral Changes, Mindset

Do you know anyone who thinks, reacts to or holds on to behavior that made sense when those thoughts, reactions and habits were formed, but over the passage of time, are no longer relevant and do not serve them?

I live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan where there are a dwindling number of holocaust survivors, mostly women.  They’re all very petite, in fact, a number of years ago I had a friend visiting from Oklahoma who asked me who were all of these very small, elderly women she saw walking around?

Their diminutive stature is a result of either being all but starved to death in the camps, or if they managed to survive without being captured, they had very little to eat because they had to remain hidden and had limited access to food.

Old – Perception Habits and Patterns

One day I was at Fairway, primarily a fruit and vegetable store that over the years has expanded to include other foodstuffs.  There was one of these little women with several items in a cart that she wouldn’t let go of or turn her back on for a second, even though it meant inconveniencing herself and other shoppers.

I observed her as I was waiting for my number to be called at the deli counter, and heard her respond to an irritated woman that she couldn’t do whatever the shopper had asked her to do, because she didn’t want someone to steal anything from her cart.

The old-perceptions
Here she was, in a store with such an abundance of everything, no one would ever consider taking an item from someone else’s cart.  And in the extremely unlikely event it did happen, there was plenty more where that came from and it could easily be replaced.

And that’s when it hit me.  Even after decades of living in a place where there has always been an abundance of food, this woman still clung to the fear that someone would steal it from her and she’d have nothing and would go hungry.  My eyes welled up with sadness that even 50 years later, she still didn’t feel safe and still feared not having enough to eat.

The habits and patterns
Due to the perceptions she had internalized about the scarcity of food in her childhood, she clung to thoughts, feelings, beliefs and habit patterns she’d developed in order to survive.  But in spite of the fact that food is abundant today and has been ever since she set foot in America after the war, she continues to cling to those old perceptions.

Living in the past
It’s like being in a time warp; our reactions and responses don’t catch up with what the world, our life, surroundings, relationships, etc have evolved into today.  And very often we don’t even realize it.

Those of you who feel like you’re reliving your childhood during the holidays because of the way you and your siblings behave towards each other, are responding to old perceptions you still have of them and of yourself.  This triggers the same habits and behavior patterns it did years ago.

This no longer has to be your reality

When your old-perceptions cause you to react in a manner that’s detrimental to your well-being, happiness or success, that’s a roadblock.  Unconsciously responding to people or situations the way you used to under entirely different circumstances keeps you locked in the past, and interferes with who you are and what you could accomplish today.

THERE IS A SOLUTION

You can get rid of these old-perceptions, and the habits and patterns that go with them.  You can create the life and success you want today without being dragged down and sabotaged by what was, but is no longer.

Go to the Roadblock Removal website right now, and take a look at the About page to learn more about the process.  Check out the Is This You? page to see some of the challenges former clients have successfully overcome, and you can, too.  Take a look at some of the Testimonials (there are dozens more that I have to get my act together and put up there).

Then click on the link in one of the boxes on the home page to discover even more, and choose which participation option is right for you.

Don’t let another week, month or year go by as your life slips away because you can’t break away from the past, a reality that no longer exists.

REMEMBER, YOU HAVE ONLY ONE LIFE,
THERE IS NO DO-OVER

You CAN have what you want to have, be who you want to be and do what you want to do once you get rid of the barriers standing in your way.  Imagine how great that will feel!!  The sooner you do something about it, the sooner this will be your reality.

If you have any questions, email me at sydney@sydneybarrows.com and we’ll schedule a call so you can describe your situation to me, and I’ll tell you how we’ll go about resolving  it.

Wishing you happiness, prosperity and abundance in all things,

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Are you in love with what’s real or a fantasy?

April 24, 2014 by  
Filed under Behavioral Changes

How many of you have ever stayed in a relationship because the other person “needs” you?  How many of you have spent months or years trying to show them how happy their life would be if they would ______?  You fill in the blank.

In other words, if you could change him or her, they’d be so grateful to you for making their life so much better that they’d appreciate you, love you and never want to let you go.  I know there are a lot of you out there, and even I have been guilty of it myself.

Holding on to people so we can “fix” them

I call it “being in love with his/her potential.”  The fantasy of who this person could be and what a wonderful life you’d have together if only _____.  Some people spend years in a bad relationship because they are unable or unwilling to face up the reality that this person is never going to be anything other than who they are.

And if they’ve been with this person for a number of years, they can’t let go because of the amount of time they’ve invested.  They don’t want to go out there and search for someone new, because it isn’t a very pleasant process and who knows what you’d end up with.  So they stay with “the devil they know.”

THE STORY
Steffi had been with Ben for five years by the time she came to me.  They had only been dating for six months before she talked him into going into couples therapy.  They went on and off for the next four and a half years, but she told me that there had been only a marginal improvement.

Her family and friends had started to really put on the pressure, because five years was more than enough time to realize this man was never going to be what she hoped, wanted and needed.  But he was handsome, the sex was good when they weren’t fighting, and “we have so much fun together”, again, when they weren’t fighting.

And they fought a lot.  But she still wasn’t able to face “losing him” because of “the good parts”.  A friend referred her to me and she decided to give it a try.

THE STRUGGLE
It had taken Steffi three years on match.com to meet this man, let’s call him Brad.  She was taken by his good looks, his personality and the sex was great.  It took a few weeks before she realized that for all of his attributes, he also had many flaws, too numerous to go into here.

She took the position that if she loved him enough, was supportive enough and could show him how great a life together would be like, how could he possibly not want that?  But what you see is what you get, and if she wanted a life with him, it was clearly  going to have to be on his terms.

THE ROADBLOCKS
Steffi’s conscious roadblocks were, “but I love him”, “throwing away all the time I’ve spent on this” and an unwillingness to walk away from “what a great time we have together when we’re not fighting.”  But her friends and family had been relentless about pinning her down to just how much time that actually was, which is what caused her to take the first step.

With Roadblock Removal it doesn’t matter why she couldn’t leave him, what caused her to believe she couldn’t do better, and figuring out why she was holding on to the relationship.  As I always say, you don’t need to slog through the mud and the muck in order to get results.

THE RESULTS
After two sessions, Steffi was able to admit to herself that this was a bad relationship that was never going to get any better.  But she had a lot of fear about being on her own again; being with someone who wasn’t the greatest was better than having no one.  I know there are a lot of you who have been there!

Fortunately, Brad had moved in with her so there wasn’t the major obstacle of having to find another place to live and to move, which is stressful and expensive.  But we had to work on “How can I do this to him?” and the guilt and belief that he couldn’t survive on his own.

Get support
I suggested she arrange for them to have a couples therapy session and tell him there, which she thought was a great idea.  It took a little time before she was ready to do it, but she finally did.  And she asked her sister to come and stay with her until he had moved out, which the sister was all too happy to do if it meant getting rid of him.

Steffi has decided not to search for another boyfriend for the time being and work on building a life for herself, because she was shocked to realize how much her life and friendships had deteriorated.

She now feels such a huge sense of relief and “liberation”, “like a dark cloud has lifted”, and while she misses being in a relationship, knows she’s made the right choice.

IT’S POSSIBLE FOR THIS TO BE YOUR REALITY, TOO

Are you or someone you know in love with “possibilities” instead of what’s real?  So caught up in the fantasy that you’re unwilling or unable to admit to yourself what’s really going on?  Hoping that if you just try hard enough, things will change?

Now it’s possible to come to terms with the situation without having to rehash it or figure out why it happened.  And all in the comfort of your own home, on the telephone, hanging out on a chair or even the bed – that’s it.  Your business stays your business and you don’t even have to believe in it for it to work.

DISCOVER IT FOR YOURSELF
Go to the Roadblock Removal website right now, and take a look at the About page to learn more about the process.  Check out the Is This You? page to see some of the challenges clients have successfully overcome.

Then click on the blue box on the home page (you might have to scroll down a little bit) to discover even more, and to choose which option is right for you.

Don’t let another week, month or year go by stuck in a life that isn’t what you think or know it could be.

Remember, you only have one life, there is no do-over.

If you have any questions, email me at sydney@sydneybarrows.com and we’ll schedule a call so you can describe your situation to me, and I’ll tell you how we’ll go about fixing it.

Wishing you happiness, prosperity and abundance in all things,

sydneysig

 

Self-defeating habits and behavior

March 21, 2014 by  
Filed under Behavioral Changes

Social media plays a more dominant role than it did even five years ago, and with the proliferation of ever more options, is more time-consuming and leaves less time to really be present in your life.  For far too many people, their presence on social media has, de facto, become their life.

In an effort to post as many tweets, photographs and videos as possible, thus signaling to all of one’s “friends” that one is out there really living it up, that’s exactly what they’re not doing.   Capturing physical proof that they were somewhere or with someone, has become more important than actually being there, socializing with others and taking part in whatever it is they’re memorializing and tweeting (read boasting) about.

Employers are very concerned that the people they hire up to the age of 30-35, have minimal social skills; have nothing to say and are not interesting; are unable to look people in the eye, and the list goes on.

Really Being Present

A former client who works for a big law firm here in the city has referred a few employees to me who are “not socialized.”  When they first join the firm, they spend most of their time doing research for cases that belong to more senior attorneys, and rarely interact with clients.

But at some point face to face client contact is necessary, and the partners are concerned that these people are not going to make a favorable impression on clients, who are being billed at $400 or more an hour for their services.

THE STORY
Let’s use Eric as an example of clients I work with who have this problem.  Like all of the other new recruits at this particular law firm, Eric graduated from a top tier law school.  He makes $160,00 a year, which makes it possible  even in New York to live a very comfortable life.

Even though all Roadblock Removal work is done over the telephone and I don’t meet my clients in person, the firm requests a face to face meeting before we begin, which is a good idea in this instance, because it gives me the opportunity to see for myself  the problems the individual has.

THE STRUGGLE
Eric is a fairly typical client with these problems.  When we meet, it was an unsuccessful struggle to look me in the eye when we were introduced.  It was obvious he took very little interest in how he dressed, and slouched the entire time we spoke.  He also found it impossible to leave his phone in his office or at the very least, in his pocket, placed it face up on the table, and his eyes were always darting to look at it.

If I was being billed $400 an hour for his services, I would not be happy.  We engaged in what would have been a nice conversation under different circumstances, and it was obvious he was very uncomfortable speaking and when he did, the result was far from adequate.

One of the things I asked him was if he knew why he had been referred to me and he said he did, but felt helpless to do anything about it.  He also knew that he was never going to go anywhere in the firm if he didn’t get it together, and was anxious to get started.

THE ROADBLOCKS
Rather than trying to identify why he was behaving the way he was, we addressed what the value of doing it represented to him; what he imagine and feared he would or might lose or what would or might happen, if he changed his behavior; and the resistance to being who and what he needed to be to be a successful attorney.

One of the things Eric was very relieved about was not having to examine or relive the past, or disclose any personal information about himself.  Roadblock Removal has nothing to do with psychotherapy, and it’s unnecessary to figure out or determine how, where or what caused or contributed to the issue.  The roadblocks are identified, cleared, and that’s it.

THE RESULTS
It usually takes at least six sessions to resolve this problem; the only thing it doesn’t fix is having nothing to say or being  interesting.  I kick start the process by removing the fear and resistance to conversing with people, but they have to do the work by reading and watching the TV programs that will give them something to talk about.

As with most things, some clients are able to live up to the expectations of their employers while others certainly improve, but not to the desired level.  But at least they’re better prepared to work somewhere less exacting.   The jury is still out on Eric, no pun intended!

IT’S POSSIBLE FOR THIS TO BE YOUR REALITY, TOO

Eric’s story might resonate with you on a personal level, or you might know someone who exhibits the very same negative and self-defeating habits.  It is possible to remove the resistance to forming new thoughts, beliefs and habit patterns and break out of this undesirable way of being.

In fact, it’s possible to remove the resistance to making changes that create the possibility to be or do almost anything you desire in your life.

Remember, you only have one life, there is no do-over.

FIND OUT MORE
Go to the Roadblock Removal website right now, and read the About page to learn more about the process.  The Is This You? page will give you a good idea of the many different challenges clients have successfully overcome. If yours is not on there, it’s because there’s only so much room!

If you would like to schedule a private conversation about the process or your particular issue, email me at Sydney@RoadblockRemoval.com and we’ll schedule a call so you can describe your situation to me, and I’ll tell you how we’ll go about fixing it.

cropped-sydneysig.jpg

 

Holding on to the past

March 7, 2014 by  
Filed under Behavioral Changes

I’ve worked with so many clients who have been carrying around roadblocks of guilt, shame, anger, fear, disappointment, resentment and similar low-vibration feelings for a great many years.  These roadblocks can be individual emotions, but more often are part of a cluster of them.

These clusters are very insidious, destructive, and create roadblocks that are very difficult, if not impossible, to move past.  Not only do they cause people to remain stuck in the past, they keep people from creating a better current reality and a happy and abundant (in all things, not just money or possessions) future.

Holding On To the Past

The client who precipitated today’s topic made choices when his children were very young that are still affecting them today.  Both are now in their late 20s; the daughter is very overweight and the son has addiction problems.  Let’s call the client Mel.

The daughter has a very functional life, a great job and friends, and has finally chosen to go into therapy to address her weight issues.  (I’ve urged her father to encourage her to give Roadblock Removal a try, given how quickly and effectively it works on weight issues, but he seems to have a block about doing that.)

She and Mel speak every day, and while they don’t see each other very often, she seems to have come to terms with the past to the extent that she’s been able to create a life for herself.

THE STORY
The son, however, is a different story.  He dropped out of college, has rarely been employed and when he has, they’ve been menial jobs.  He’s spent most of his time in various very expensive rehabs, which fortunately his father can afford, but nothing ever comes of it.

The one thing in his life he is good at though, is creating a huge amount of drama in order to get Mel’s attention, and part of that drama is getting himself into scrapes with the law and engaging in endless shouting matches, the purpose of which are to make his father feel as guilty as possible and to severely disrupt his professional life.  And it’s working, but it’s also making his father thoroughly dislike him and feel totally disgusted with him.

THE STRUGGLE
Leaving aside the son’s issues for the purposes of this discussion, Mel is at the end of his tether.  He has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on rehabs, countless hours of his time in therapy groups and private therapy sessions with his son, and tens of thousands of dollars and hours on attorneys to get him out of trouble with the law.  He’s also called in many personal favors to get him jobs that rarely last more than a few weeks.

He’s a classic enabler and not a believer in tough love.  There’s a very significant part of him that feels he deserves being miserable because of that bad choice, and he continues on not because he believes his son will ever turn his life around, but because he feels guilty.  Because of that, he refuses to work on the topic directly, but is interested in removing the roadblocks it’s created that have a negative effect on him professionally.

THE ROADBLOCKS
Obviously, the thing we should be addressing is the guilt and all the other things that go along with it.  It recently came to me that after all he’s done for this child, the statute of limitations on feeling guilty and responsible for what his son is choosing to do with his life, has expired.

And that’s the point of this message today: letting go of negative emotions on which the statute of limitations has expired.  How many of us hold on to anger, resentment, guilt, shame etc. for things that happened long, long ago.  Especially if we’ve made reparations, have apologized, and have done everything reasonably possible to make it up to the other person.

Shouldn’t there be a statute of limitations to how long we allow a past mistake or choice to adversely affect our lives?

THE RESULTS
The only result in this particular case is that Mel now finds it much easier to make choices and conduct himself in a manner that allows him to move forward professionally.  Perhaps someday he’ll choose to deal with making it possible to move forward with and enjoy his personal life.

IT’S POSSIBLE FOR THIS TO BE YOUR REALITY, TOO
If you’re having difficulty making the choices and changes that make it possible for you to have a successful personal and/or professional life, it could very well be that you’re holding onto roadblocks for which the statute of limitations has long ago expired.

You could make the choice to remove those roadblocks that you don’t even know are there, or hold on to them and have less of a life than you’re experiencing right now.  Often we’ve completely forgotten about the incident that caused the roadblocks, or it’s possible we ruminate over them every day.

Either way, it’s not making life any better for the person whom you believe you’ve wronged, and it’s certainly not making your life what it could be either.  Isn’t it time to do something about it?

DISCOVER IT FOR YOURSELF
Go to the Roadblock Removal website right now, and read the About page to learn more about the process.  The Is This You? page will give you a good idea of the many different challenges clients have successfully overcome.

Remember, you only have one life, there is no do-over.

If you have any questions, email me at sydney@sydneybarrows.com and we’ll schedule a call so you can describe your situation to me, and I’ll tell you how we’ll go about fixing it.

Wishing you happiness, prosperity and abundance in all things,

cropped-sydneysig.jpg

 

Is your reality your choice?

February 15, 2014 by  
Filed under Behavioral Changes, Mindset

Have you been making choices that do not serve you, and are not in your short or long-term best interests?  We all do that occasionally, but some of us do it more often when it comes to particular issues.

Certain thoughts, beliefs and habit patterns can become part of our Story, our Identity, and we make choices based on what we think is expected of us to do.

Are the choices you’re making really yours?
But very often we picked up and learned these thoughts, beliefs and habit patterns from someone else and made them our own, even though they were someone else’s reality.

And when you make choices based on thoughts, beliefs and habit-patterns that are someone else’s reality and not yours, it doesn’t feel right and doesn’t make you happy, because it’s not what YOU really want for your life.  You are creating your life based on other people’s realities and expectations.

Validating Other People’s Expectations

How many people do you know who went to law school because their family wanted to have a child who was a lawyer?  How many people do you know who went to a certain college because it was expected of them?

How many people do you know or know of, who have jobs they really don’t care for, because it was expected that they would go into a certain profession?  Or who had higher aspirations they didn’t act on because someone told them they couldn’t do it?

THE STORY
Andrew ended up going to dental school because his parents wanted him to be a doctor.  They believed it was a prestigious profession, a guaranteed good income, and they wanted to be able to tell everyone their son was a doctor because they believed it reflected well on them.

But Andrew wasn’t interested in being a doctor and going through the years and years of training required, and the next closest thing was becoming a dentist.  His parents weren’t happy and even though he has a successful practice, he’s never lost the feeling that he let them down.

THE STRUGGLE
Andrew’s parents also made it clear that they expected him to marry a girl from his ethnic background, live in an upscale suburb and produce grandchildren.  What they don’t know is that Andrew is gay, although he tries to deny it even to himself, due to guilt and shame.

He had been able to avoid dating and having a girlfriend using the excuse that his studies come first, but the pressure became intense when his mother started to arrange for him to meet prospective daughters-in-law.  He didn’t want to let them down again, yet just couldn’t make himself go through with it.

The stress and the pressure were making his life a misery, and he began thinking a lot about ending it all by disappearing and starting a new life somewhere else.

THE ROADBLOCKS
Andrew is a classic case of living his life in a way that validates someone else’s expectations. Even were he not gay, living the life his parents planned out for him was not living life the way he wanted to.  The loss of control of his own destiny was something he bitterly resented, yet he felt he owed it to them.

We worked on clearing the roadblocks that supported the thoughts, beliefs and habit patterns that supported feeling obligated to live his life according to his parents’ expectations.  After a lifetime of negative conditioning it took some time, but he was determined to stick with it.

After making good headway with that, we also addressed coming to terms with being gay.  He desperately didn’t want to be gay and was hoping to remove roadblocks to being straight, but that’s not possible.  So we worked on self-acceptance and “dealing with the hand you’re dealt.”

THE RESULTS
Fortunately, Andrew had a good amount of money saved so he had options.  He decided to move to the west coast (from the east coast) to be as far away from his parents as possible, because he knew that seeing them on a regular basis was going to perpetuate the problems.

He isn’t sure what he wants to do, and has decided to work part-time for other dentists so he’d have some income while he figures it out.  We continue to periodically work together on that.

For the time being, he’s not going to pursue having anything to do with finding gay friends etc. and is continuing to work on being comfortable with and accepting of that part of himself.

“I’m free!”
He’s enjoying “being free” as he calls it, and is much happier making his own decisions based on what he really wants for his life, but it’s still a struggle at times.

He speaks with his parents once a week for no longer than 10 minutes, and has told them that if they bring up his career or marriage, the conversation is over.  It’s taking a while to “train” them, but they’re getting it that he means business and if they want to have a relationship with him, it’s going to have to be on his terms.

IT’S POSSIBLE FOR THIS TO BE YOUR REALITY, TOO
You may not be making your choices and living your life to validate someone else’s expectations to the degree that Andrew did, but think about it and see if there are any areas in which this might be happening.

One of the roadblocks I see most often is clients who are able to reach a certain level of success or income level, but can’t go any further and don’t understand why.  It’s very often because of thoughts, beliefs and habit patterns picked up from someone else that are holding them back, and they don’t even realize it.

Once those roadblocks are cleared, they’re able to successfully make choices that serve their goals, just as Andrew did.

DISCOVER IT FOR YOURSELF
Go to the Roadblock Removal website right now, and read the About page to learn more about the process.  The Is This You? page will give you a good idea of the many different challenges clients have successfully overcome.  If yours is not on there, it’s because there’s only so much room!

Remember, you only have one life, there is no do-over.

If you have any questions, email me at sydney@sydneybarrows.com and we’ll schedule a call so you can describe your situation to me, and I’ll tell you how we’ll go about fixing it.

sydneysig

 

Are Distractions holding you back?

February 11, 2014 by  
Filed under Behavioral Changes, Productivity

How often have  you started to work on something, only to find yourself distracted by your email Inbox, text messages, Facebook and other social media sites, co-workers or family members (if you work at home) and on and on.

It’s fashionable these days to attribute this to something like adult ADHD, but for most people, that’s a cop out.  An excuse to keep on doing it, instead of doing something about it.  And you can definitely do something about it.

Today’s Topic: Distraction

With the growing number of myriad distractions just waiting to sabotage your ability to get things accomplished, the most practical solution is to turn off the smartphone, keep all of your social media sites on one browser and close it when you need to work, and have a serious talk with co-workers or family members and tell them that unless it’s a very real, big emergency, they are not to interrupt you for any reason during certain hours.

That’s the sensible way to handle it.  Yet very few people ever do that.  Why?

THE STORY
Jennifer is a solo-preneur who works from home.  The family definitely needs her income.  She has a husband (who has a “real job” and is out all day), and 9-year old twins, who are in school until 3:00.  So Jennifer’s workday is between 8:30am until 2:30pm – six hours – and she has to fit in household maintenance, too .

If she really needs to get something finished, her husband watches the children after dinner so she can get in another one to two hours.  They have a “rule” that once the children are in bed, that’s their personal time together, and unless it’s a real emergency, neither one works or is otherwise not “available.”

THE STRUGGLE
Jennifer is a life coach for working mothers, and like most solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs, knows that marketing the business is a priority.  And like many self-employed people, she doesn’t really like the marketing aspect of it.

She works with clients two days a week and attends to the other aspects of the business the rest of the time.  And it’s those three non-client days that are the problem.

She spends time on Facebook, stays in touch with other friends via texts and emails, and there’s always something around the house that needs doing.  She end up getting one to three hours of real work accomplished, and her business is suffering.

THE ROADBLOCKS
Rather than spending the time and energy to figure out why Jennifer was allowing herself to be distracted, we targeted the behavior, not the cause of the behavior.  This isn’t always the most effective way to deal with distractions, but it worked for her.

We cleared the roadblocks that were causing and contributing to allowing herself to be distracted; roadblocks that sabotaged and limited her ability to remain focused; and the roadblocks that supported reluctance, resistance and refusal to ignore distractions that got in the way of accomplishing her goals.

SUPPORTING THE GOAL
In addition to removing the roadblocks, we also discussed the part she herself had to play to eliminate the distractions, or at least keep them at bay.  She put all of the websites she liked to visit on a separate browser, and kept it closed – not minimized, closed.  She had a separate room in the house she used for an office, and she kept that door closed.

The phone was the most difficult for her to give up.  The excuse was what if one of her children needed to reach her?

THE WORKAROUND
It simply wasn’t practical to expect her – or anybody – to remain totally disconnected for an entire six hours.  I suggested she schedule regular breaks to check her phone, do things around the house and visit her usual websites.

Five minutes are unrealistic, but 15 minutes are, so she created a little work/break schedule and most of the time was able to stick to it.

THE RESULTS
In addition to getting more accomplished, Jennifer also doesn’t have to deal with all of the critical self-talk and the way beating up on herself made her feel.  Once that negativity was gone, she realized she had more patience with the children and overall, was in better spirits.

IT’S POSSIBLE FOR THIS TO BE YOUR REALITY, TOO
Very few of us are so disciplined that we easily and consistently ignore distractions.  Removing the roadblocks not only makes this possible, it also removes the psychic damage we inflict on ourselves when we gang up on ourselves and create guilt, shame, anger, and label ourselves as well as our behavior, “bad.”

This is the most damaging aspect of all, and creates even more roadblocks, which perpetuates the situation.

DISCOVER IT FOR YOURSELF
Go to the Roadblock Removal website right now, and read the About page to learn more about the process.  The Is This You? page will give you a good idea of the many different challenges clients have successfully overcome.  If yours is not on there, it’s because there’s only so much room!

If you have any questions, email me at sydney@sydneybarrows.com and we’ll schedule a call so you can describe your situation to me, and I’ll tell you how we’ll go about fixing it.

sydneysig

 

Is transformation really possible?

January 24, 2014 by  
Filed under Behavioral Changes, Mindset

Transformation.  It’s a word you see bandied about in cosmetics and physical fitness ads; coaching programs that promise either your business or you personally will experience it; and in other promotions too numerous to mention.

And it’s possible that if you put in the time and the effort, you’ll see a change for the better.  But rarely a true transformation.  The dictionary definition of transformation is:  change in form, appearance, nature, or character.

CAN SOMEONE REALLY BE TRANSFORMED?

Yes.  Sometimes it happens spontaneously, often when a person has gone through a trauma like a heart attack or a life-threatening accident or illness, and they realize how precious their life is, and that they want to live the rest of it differently.

They decide they want to be different, make different choices, and/or let go of possessions, habits, persons etc, that no longer fit in with how they’d like to live their life.

FORTUNATELY, THERE IS A LESS DRAMATIC WAY TO DO IT

You don’t have to suffer a terrible trauma to be transformed.  Getting rid of subconscious blocks will also make it possible for you to be different, make different choices, and let go of possessions, habits, persons etc, that do not fit in with the vision you have of how you’d like to live your life.

And all it takes is an hour a week on the telephone, during which time you need reveal nothing about yourself or wallow around in your past.  All you do is sit in a comfortable chair or lie down on the sofa or bed, and listen.

SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, DOESN’T IT

Those of you who have worked with me before know it is true, and it is that easy.

And that what subtly begins to happen, is that you find yourself instinctively making choices and naturally acting in ways that make it possible to achieve the goals you set for yourself and to be the kind of person you’ve always wanted to be.

Getting rid of roadblocks also makes it possible not to do, to stop doing, something you do not want to be doing.  It is incredibly effective for procrastination and weight loss, for example.

DISCOVER IT FOR YOURSELF

Go to the Roadblock Removal website right now, and read the About page to learn more about the process.  The Is This You? page will give you a good idea of the many different challenges clients have successfully overcome.  If your issue isn’t on there, it’s because there just wasn’t room for everything!

If you have any questions, email me at sydney@sydneybarrows.com and we’ll schedule a call so you can describe your situation to me, and I’ll tell you how we’ll go about fixing it.  Or, go directly to the website and read more about it.

Wishing you happiness, prosperity and abundance in all things,

sydneysig

 

How YOU can be in the top 8%

January 8, 2014 by  
Filed under Behavioral Changes

After doing a little research, I discovered that losing weight holds the number one spot for most popular New Year’s resolution.  It’s also the most frequently broken resolution, too, according to Time Magazine.

The second most popular resolution depends on which list you look at, but “getting organized” was one of them, as were “volunteer more” and “spend more time with friends and family.”  Notice that these are basically time management issues.

Also according to Time, only 8% of the people who make New Year’s resolutions manage to keep them.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE IN THAT TOP 8%?

Those 8% most likely used a tremendous amount of willpower and really fought their way to success.  Hey, at least they got there, got to give them credit for that!

But the other 92% just don’t want to spend every day fighting with themselves, and who can blame them?  I certainly wouldn’t want that to be my life either.

So if there’s a way to easily, naturally and instinctively make the choices that would allow you to reach your goals, whatever they might be, wouldn’t you rather go that route?

IT IS POSSIBLE, AND IT’S EASY

The reason you’re unable to make the choices and changes that will allow you to be, do, have and accomplish the things you desire is because you have subconscious roadblocks that are getting in the way, and you’ll never end up at your destination if you can’t get past them.

Even better, eliminate them entirely.  Permanently.  And all you have to do is sit on the phone for an hour or so somewhere where you will be undisturbed, and pretty much do nothing.  That’s right, nothing.

SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, DOESN’T IT

Those of you who have worked with me before know it is true, and it is that easy.

And that often without you even realizing it, you find yourself instinctively making choices and naturally acting in ways that make it possible to achieve the goals you set for yourself.

Getting rid of roadblocks also makes it possible not to do, to stop doing, something you do not want to be doing.  It is astonishingly effective for weight loss, for example.

DISCOVER IT FOR YOURSELF

Go to the Roadblock Removal website right now, and read the About page to learn more about the process.  The Is This You? page will give you a good idea of the many different challenges clients have successfully overcome.  If your issue isn’t on there, it’s because there just wasn’t room for everything!

If you have any questions, email me at sydney@sydneybarrows.com and we’ll schedule a call so you can describe your situation to me, and I’ll tell you how we’ll go about fixing it.  Or, go directly to the website and read more about it.

Wishing you happiness, prosperity and abundance in all things,

sydneysig

 

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